A man is more likely to get hooked before his female partner in a heterosexual relationship.
Wait, what?
According to recent research from the Australian National University, men take about four weeks to fall in love, while women need twice as long to do so, though women feel love with deeper intensity and stronger emotions.
If you think that’s an outlier, a 2010 study published by the American Journal of Social Psychology and based on responses from 172 college students found something similar – men not only tend to fall in love with their dating partners/girlfriends first, they are also more likely to first say those three magic words.
I love you.
Of course, those findings contradict herd mentality, which tells us the man is more likely to be less romantic, less sensitive, and emotionally expressive early on. However, while we men often present ourselves as tough, independent, and occasionally even emotionally detached, a surprising truth lies beneath the surface – we are actually the ones who fall in love first, and we do it twice as fast.
More about the study…
The research was designed to provide valuable insights into the distinct ways men and women experience romantic love, aiming to reveal the nuanced differences in how each gender navigates the pace and nature of falling in love. By delving into these dynamics, we can better comprehend the complexities of romantic relationships, making this research essential for anyone interested in understanding love more profoundly.
“The study spans across 33 different countries in Europe, North America, and South Africa,” says biological anthropologist Adam Bode, from Australian National University (ANU).
“We’re most interested in whether biological sex influences the occurrence, progression, and expression of romantic love.”
According to the results, women take, on average, nearly two months to develop deep feelings for a partner, while men report falling in love much more quickly – in just over four weeks. In the early stages of dating, men are already deeply immersed in their emotions, while women are often still exploring the relationship.
Wow! I wish I knew that years ago. I ditched several women after roughly 4 weeks of dating because I was more interested in them than they were in me, and I assumed they just weren’t that interested, even though they insisted they claimed to have a long-term, romantic interest in me.
It’s important to recognize that men often experience the deep emotions of love even before a relationship is officially established. In fact, 30 percent of the men in the study shared that they fell in love at this early stage, compared to less than 20 percent of women. This highlights how differently individuals can experience and express their feelings, reminding us to approach each person’s journey with understanding and empathy.
“I think women unconsciously postpone love compared to men,” said Marissa Harrison, the psychologist who co-authored the aforementioned 2010 study. (Source: myjoyonline.com)
“Women have a lot more to lose reproductively by committing to the wrong man. They are born with a finite number of eggs, yet men produce millions of sperm on a daily basis.”
And that makes sense… Moreover, because a woman can get pregnant, she must be more careful about sexual intimacy. While a man can have sex with multiple partners without physical consequences, a woman often can’t (depending on the level(s) of birth control implemented).
How many times have we seen women get knocked up by men they trusted, only to be disappointed? In the end, she’s left taking care of the child – a permanent reminder of the loser she gave her heart to – while the man continues to do his thing.
“If women commit to and get pregnant by an unworthy mate [with] no help rearing a child, that would be very costly, time- and resource-wise,” Harrison added.
Men were also more likely to fall in love before the relationship had become ‘official’, with 30 percent of the male study participants reporting this timing compared to less than 20 percent of the women.
However, according to the study, nature has a way of evening things out. Although men fall in love quicker and slightly more often than women, we are a little less committed. Moreover, women tend to become more obsessed with their partner, and their love is often more intense. Hence, when a woman finally does fall in love, she falls harder.
Men’s natural aggression also gives women more options and power early in the relationship/dating situation. Hence, an ordinary woman can walk into a crowded bar and have men surrounding her in minutes. The same can’t be said for an ordinary man. As a result, and because women tend to have so many more options at any given time, they are more likely to evaluate a longer list of potential suitors before getting attached to one.
Chemistry, and Putting in the Work
It always helps to have a heavy dose of good old-fashioned attraction early on. Fireworks, goosebumps, and all those crazy “butterflies” are very healthy for long-term relationship success. That “It” factor can be vital for people who not only want intense love early on, but want to keep the fire burning forever.
In the end, men, even the most fervent of hunters, are ultimately looking for the same things women are, But both parties have to put in the work. Good and consistent sex, non-sexual intimacy, unyielding support, trust, honesty, and shared laughter can go a long way in keeping the hunter off the prowl.
The stronger the bond, the stronger the relationship. And as a relationship grows, that bond should as well.
So men, don’t get discouraged if she doesn’t want to commit to you right away, as it’s TOTALLY normal. Just keep working at it. If she’s giving you the time of day, you’re probably in the running and have a legitimate shot at making her all yours.
And women, don’t take your man for granted lest he could soon develop a wandering eye. Give him what he needs, or your little puppy dog will likely turn into a hungry wolf on the prowl.